


sorry | is all that you can’t say

by fannish_bunni



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Infidelity, M/M, Outdoor Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-11
Updated: 2011-07-11
Packaged: 2017-10-21 06:09:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/221802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fannish_bunni/pseuds/fannish_bunni
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius never has been able to deny James anything he asked for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	sorry | is all that you can’t say

Sirius knows he shouldn't do this, knows he shouldn't come here again. Because what the fuck is he doing in a graveyard in the middle of the bloody night? He lights another cigarette, leans against the wall, and waits, watching the smoke rising almost straight up in the still night air. He never has been able to deny James anything he asked for. He always was the charming one out of them all. Always could charm the socks off anyone he wanted. Girls, guys, teachers . . . friends. Even friends who are supposed to be with someone else. Even friends who know that he has a wife and a baby son waiting at home.

"Fuck," Sirius whispers under his breath. He stubs the cigarette out with the toe of his heavy boot and turns to leave. Only of course that's when James reveals himself from beneath that damned invisibility cloak of his and nearly gives Sirius a flaming heart attack.

"You're late," Sirius says, hoping he doesn't sound too needy or accusing.

"Sorry," James grins, stepping closer. His pupils are large and his cheeks are flushed. Sirius can smell Firewhiskey and feel the warmth of James body as he moves up against him. James obviously wants to get straight to it tonight. He always does. Wouldn't do to leave the wife waiting alone at home for too long.

"You're not sorry," Sirius whispers, as James unzips his leather jacket and pushes it off his shoulders. It falls into a heap on the wet grass, making a soft thump as it lands. "When have you ever been sorry?" Sirius is thinking of Lily and of Remus, but James obviously isn't. Anyway, Sirius thinks, he isn't any better himself. He's here isn't he? He came for the same thing James did. Because he can't say no. Never could say no to Prongs.

"Let me make it up to you," James says, his voice low and gruff as he runs his hands under Sirius's thin shirt and across the cool skin of his stomach, his chest. Sirius tries and fails not to shiver at his touch, at the way James's hands warm his skin. Before he knows it, James has Sirius’s jeans shirt unbuttoned and Sirius’s cock in his warm hand and Sirius is still just standing there, lost in thought and sensation.

"Where's your head tonight?" James asks, bending in to nip at Sirius's nipple with his teeth. Sirius hisses at that and James laughs, his lips moving softly against Sirius's skin. Whatever spell Sirius was under is finally broken and he moves, his hand making quick work of the buttons of James's jeans. He touches James through the thin cotton of his boxers, before pushing them far enough down that he can finally take his thick cock in hand. James groans at that and Sirius's own cock twitches in response to the sound.

They move until they're close enough to rub against each other, soft skin touching soft skin, hands tangling together around velvety hardness. James whispers a spell under his breath and their hands and cocks are suddenly coated with a gloriously slick lube. Sirius groans and presses his lips against James's neck. He usually doesn't like to kiss James. It's fucking stupid, he knows, but he has to keep something back. But tonight he's tempted. He feels James's cock press and slide and rub against his and wants nothing more than to kiss him. To feel James's tongue fuck his mouth in time with the slide of their cocks. He groans into James neck at the thought and before he can think better of it moves his mouth over and kisses him. To Sirius's surprise James breaks the kiss and draws back from Sirius slightly, looking a little confused.

"What-?" James whispers, his hand stilling on Sirius's cock.

"Fuck me," Sirius says, suddenly deciding that he wants more. More than this hurried groping. They don't do it very often, but right now Sirius wants James inside him. He wants to feel something other than this bloody awful gaping hole where his heart should be. James is still looking at him with an odd look on his face and Sirius gives his cock a squeeze. "Fuck me. Make me feel it. I want to feel it tomorrow."

"Fuck," James gasps, closing his eyes briefly. Sirius turns his back to James, leaning forwards against the rough brick wall and fumbling slightly with his jeans. He wants it so badly he's already panting. James runs the pad of one still slick finger over his entrance and Sirius gasps, letting his head drop forwards. James enters him with first one, then two fingers and is about to add a third but Sirius doesn't want it.

“No, just- do it now. I want to feel it,” Sirius says hoarsely, hardly recognising his own voice.

“Are you sure?” James says hesitantly. Sirius feels a bitter sweet sort of pleasure at hearing that uncertainty in his voice. He likes hearing the always cocksure James be suddenly unsure of himself. But Sirius has no time to think about that further, because he nods in response and now the thick blunt head of James's cock is entering him.

Sirius gives a low grunt at the slow burn, and tries to relax until finally James is all the way inside, his hands on either side of Sirius’s hips. He pants and James holds still until Sirius has to move himself, causing a ragged gasp to leave James's lips. They begin to move together, slowly at first and then faster and more desperate until Sirius is holding back a yell that is desperate to escape his throat, straining to feel more, take more. He wants it all, everything James has to give. James is hitting his sweet spot on every stroke now and Sirius hardly has to touch himself at all before he’s there, painting the wall and his boots with his come. His legs shudder and go weak at this and so James puts his arms around him and holds him tight around his waist and his chest. James holds Sirius up as he thrusts in hard. Once, twice and then James shudders and comes, panting hard against Sirius’s ear.

Sirius closes his eyes, breathes, and tries to pull himself together, tries to find the right way to tell James that he can’t do this anymore.  That this is killing him.  But James is speaking now and Sirius mentally shakes himself, tries to pay attention.

“What?” Sirius says thickly, his mouth working as slowly as his brain.

“I said it might be a while before I can do this again.” James leans in and kisses his neck, and Sirius opens his eyes. He looks down at his come soiled boots as James kisses his neck and pushes him off, shuddering slightly  as James withdraws.

James takes this as his cue to clean up but Sirius just pulls up his trousers and gets out a cigarette. He leans against the wall and smokes as James expertly casts his cleaning charms, carefully erasing all trace of their coupling.

“Fuck. You look so sexy like that. I could almost do you again right now,” James says, stealing Sirius’s cigarette like he always does.

“Yeah. And I’d let you. I’d let you-” Sirius stops himself before he says too much. Before he says, I’d let you do anything to me.

But he doesn’t tell James that he can’t do this anymore. He never does get around to saying that.

They stand together for a while, sharing the cigarette between them until it’s burnt down to the filter, and Sirius throws it to the ground, watching as it glows briefly before the damp grass causes the ember to go out.

“See you later Padfoot,” James grins, before putting his cloak back on and disappearing into the night.

Sirius takes out another cigarette and lights it with shaking fingers, watching the pale blue grey smoke rise slowly in the moonlit night.

“See you, Prongs.”

  


  
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**The End.**

  
  
  



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